hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
