So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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