Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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