and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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