also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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