FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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