Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
