Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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