Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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