either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
