Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
