My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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