Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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