my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
