HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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