it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
