yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
