Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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