Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
