Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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