Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
