Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
