buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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