i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This baby is an asshole
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
