Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
