i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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