You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
As shirtless as possible
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
