this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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