this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
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I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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