How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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