i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
