I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
