Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this boner is exhausting
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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