ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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