I wish I could punch you in the face.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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