There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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