Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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