she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
a search helicopter?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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