he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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