We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
