I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize