he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
