I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize