Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
