I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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