he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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