Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
