Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize