I'm jealous of your bromance
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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