We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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