omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
