he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
