i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
