No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
