forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
