Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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