My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
