At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
