Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
