Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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