it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
