Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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